two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
