Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize