someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
