I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
