Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
