I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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