I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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