A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize