Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
