i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
