hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize