k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
