Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
did i just pee glitter
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
