She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
