Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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