every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
