She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
