after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
