worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
