i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
how drunk are you?
Several
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
