So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
