Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
