I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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