I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
