He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
