i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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