So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
