Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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