According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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