Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
