I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
