first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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