What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
