I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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