You're completely useless in the revolution.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
