i just google imaged poop.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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