I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
