She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
