If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
