Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
