think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
