Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
