Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
