She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
