Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
