Where did you get a picture of my penis
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
