i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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