Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
