If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Randomize
