you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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