The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
