I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
