Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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