youre lurking in front of me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
