my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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