He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
