I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
