...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
