And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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