it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
