we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
