Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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