Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
