I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
everyone is single if you try hard enough
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
