Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
