in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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