Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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