I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
